Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Ugly Truth

I used to get hate mails from my haters referring to me as 'Ugly Syarah'. It used to make me sad but I get over it. Come to think of it, it's pretty catchy. Kinda like Ugly Betty. Only better. If Ugly Betty were to make a Malay version of the soap, they should name it Ugly Syarah. Then I would have to star in it.

Then, when I won ABPBH award, I could thanks my haters for coming up with such a catchy name. Though I don't think that's what they intended to do. If I read the whole hate message, it sounded more like an attempt to insult me. But why insult using a fact? Its like calling a fat person fat. Its not an insult. Its just fact. Like Fat Joe and Big Momma. They wouldn't call themselves fat if they think of it as an insult. Or calling a thin person skinny. Like Twiggy. Its not an insult. Its more of a trade mark and its definitely catchy too.

I am not living in denial. I know how I look like and its anything but pretty. I look in the mirror everyday. Sometimes I'd say things like "OMG! I'm so pretty!" to my reflection but only to entertain myself because then I'll get to laugh uproariously. Its a good kick start to my day.

Sure, all you nice people who are reading this would probably say things like 'beauty is subjective' or 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. Well, that is true but most of us have pretty much the same idea of how pretty should look like. I.e.

If I say that the first picture is ugly and the 2nd picture is pretty, I'm sure most people would agree with me. Unless that beholder's pair of eyes are terribly damaged. See? We do have general guideline of what beautiful is.

Why are girls constantly pressured to be pretty or think that they're pretty? From magazines to media and parents and just about everything. There's even a song trying to convince people that they're pretty. Yup, I'm talking about that song 'Who Says' by Selena Gomez. What is the message of that song? Is she trying to convince everyone that they're perfect? Because they're not. No one is.

Its like telling a cat that its a dog. No matter how much you taught it to bark and do other doggie stuff with it, it'll never turn into a dog. The cat could believe that its a dog. But by the end of the day it still is a cat.

Thinking and believing that you're pretty couldn't change any feature of your face. Plus, what's so bad about being ugly? Worse things could happen to you. Like being handicapped or disabled or mentally retarded. Being ugly doesn't make you an inferior human being. You are capable of doing things like pretty people too, maybe you can even do it better. If you still think that being ugly is unfortunate, then I'll tell you some advantages of being ugly.

First of all, being ugly means that you are not distracting people with your beauty. Have you seen pretty people who would just turn out pretty no matter what they wear? Its like their effort of dressing up is worthless. Then they couldn't be models because people would just stare at their faces instead of the clothes. Hooray for ugly people! Yay me!

The next best thing about being ugly is that I don't have to be nice to people. When you're pretty and you start making attitude to the people who are nice to you people would instantly label you sombong. As for ugly people, it would be okay if they don't treat them nicely. People just don't care because they're ugly.

Being pretty is like giving everyone the license to stare at you. If you're pretty, you can't be mad when people are looking at you. Because everyone like to look at pretty people. Old people, young people, girls, boys, babies, cats - everyone like looking at pretty people. But if you're ugly and people start looking at you, you could just give them the what-are-you-looking-at? stare and they would instantly look away. Isn't that nice? I did that all the time. If I'm pretty I wouldn't be able to do that.

See, being ugly is fun too. :D

Ugly people might not have a beautiful face. But if you beautify your mind and heart, then you would get something better....a beautiful soul.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

On Boyfriends

Whenever I met a relative or an old friend or a phone call from an acquaintance whom I can hardly recall their name they would always ask the same question, "Dah ada boyfriend?" or "Hows your boyfriend?" or "Tell me about your love life". Which would be replied with a "Mana ada" and "Takde boyfriend pun" and "Non-existent", every single time.

So why bother asking? I bet you know what the answer is gonna be. Its like meeting someone and saying "My Lord, you've grown so much!" its just another way of saying "I'm so glad someone else is fatter than me". Well I don't get that a lot but I do say that a lot and it never fail to make me relieved every time. So instead of asking such questions why don't you just jump on the main point and say "I know you're a loser with no boyfriend so let me tell you about mine." Then I could just save my voice for something better.

Though maybe a minority of my friends who ask such questions really do meant what they are saying and is sincerely interested to know about it. But why? Hmmm. Well, if you're one of those who are sincerely interested to know why. Here I'll tell you.

Well, in the first place how should I get a boyfriend? Do guys kneel and present you a ring and ask if you would like to be his girlfriend? Or do they get their family to come over to your house and merisik you to become their girlfriend? Is that how it works? No? Do you read this sentence with your eyes rolling wondering how I turned so dumb? If that so, lets just skip this.

Say one day I do get a boyfriend which falls from the sky (really? the sky? what is he? an alien? never mind). What should I do with him? I mean, what should we talk about? I heard people saying that a good boyfriend is one who can act both as a boyfriend and a bestfriend. So maybe I should treat him like one of my bestfriend. We always talk about other girls or talk about her boyfriend and of course fashion.

Though I don't want to talk to him about some godforsaken girl who he doesn't know or I couldn't ask him how his boyfriend is doing. I guess I'm left with fashion. I'm always enthusiastic and excited everytime I find a great fashion find. I could talk about it for hours. Great. This could work. I could text him something like this....

"OMG! I just bought the most breathtakingly beautiful fishtail top from Forever 21!"

Would he be psyched about that? Hmm I'd probably just get a reply like this...

"What are you doing with fishtail? Why are you saying you're 21. You're not. Honey, I think you're delusional. We should break up."

Oh, that would be bad. I wouldn't wanna break up that early, it'll leave a bad impression on my love history. So if he doesn't speak fashion maybe I should start speaking his language. Like football. Yeah. Football is good. I know a thing or two about football. I know a lot of football players. I even know their wives. Footballers are really hot.

"Sayang, are you watching football now? Its MU playing. Christiano Ronaldo is so hot!"

Then he'd reply,

"I know, I feel like ripping his shirt off."

Or not. Because if he does then it'd just be awkward or I'll find out that he's actually gay. Then people would write up my first love story on Mastika. Sigh. I wouldn't want that to happen. Well, if we don't have any common interest, what else should we talk about? I heard some couples text each other by the end of the day and tell them how their day went. Its the same concept of having a diary. Just that this would cost a lot more than a thick scented book.

Well, what if my days are boring? I don't wanna bore him. Plus, I never had a diary, I never know what to write in them. I envied my sister who does have one. Her days seem so interesting and memorable. So I did get a diary once because it have cute snoopy sketch at every page but I never write anything in it except for a couple of page worth of a huge writing saying "I HATE ****" which I probably wrote when I was pissed at her.

So should I do the same with my boyfriend? Should I text him in caps lock whenever I'm mad at someone or should I just call him and scream it out loud? Well, that doesn't sound so romantic. I don't think anyone would like that. This is getting so hard. I don't know what to do with my boyfriend. It couldn't get any worse.

Or it could. You know some couples even text their spouse all day long? I literally mean it. All day long. All. Day. Long. While they are driving and walking and breathing and eating. What do they text anyway?

"Sayang, what are you doing?
"I'm eating."
"What are you eating?"
"Cool. So what are you doing now?"
"I'm chewing."

Well, that could probably lead to an endless texts of pointless conversations but it wouldn't be a very fun activity for me to be doing with my boyfriend. Sigh. I should just give up. I suck at being a girlfriend.

I don't think I'll ever get a boyfriend. Wait, I shouldn't say that. So I'm taking it back or maybe I should just hit the backspace key now. Either way, you get my point. My apologies. I shouldn't say never. Because we never know what might happen in the future.

However, if howsoever I did get a boyfriend and whosoever that is unfortunate enough to be my significant other would have to be a very patient man. BIG TIME.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Islamic Schools

Do you know how the education system in Malaysia works? Well, if you don't its pretty simple. Basically, there's primary school for children up to 12 years old and then there is secondary school until they reach 17 years old. There is also an optional sixth form for those who wouldn't mind being tormented in school a little longer. That's it. The end. Full stop. You get all the education you need and then its up to you to do whatever you wish.

But wait, where is the slot for Islamic school? Isn't the majority of Malaysians are Muslims?

The answer for that question is a yes but don't you know that Islamic education isn't all that important compared to academic education? Well that is, until your sweet little child turn out to be a nightmare. Only then they would consider sending them to Islamic schools.

Somehow, parents just have a somewhat wild fantasy that once they send their mischievous child to an Islamic school, they would magically turn out to be an angel by the time they pick them up. I wonder, do they think that these schools perform magic? Because I have no idea what makes them think so. I see no magician guy in an Islamic school. Guy with a black cape. No. Guy with a tall black hat. Nope. Guy with a fold able black cane. Nada. Guy with tall black hat taking out a rabbit from his hat. Definitely no sight of that.

Well maybe these parents are just being optimistic. When they see how wonderful the teachers are, they just assume that they could read some spells and magically turn their children into little angels. Well if that really works then maybe we could just send criminals to school. By the time they serve their time they would be angels. So we wouldn't have to put them on parole or worry that they might perform another crime.

Just imagine how much we could save by sending them to school instead of prison. No more subsidy for orange jumpsuits. Say one orange jumpsuit costs RM20. A thousand prisoner would cost the government RM20000. That is just one prison. For another four prisons that would sum up a total cost of RM100,000. Heck, that's a lot of money!

So why don't the government implement this great idea of mine? Do they not believe in magic? Or at least they don't think that Islamic schools can perform magic. Or maybe because I haven't told them so about this. Sigh. Never mind.

In the end, when the magic does work and their child is finally changing for the better, they would simply take them out of the school. In a split second, just like that. Ding! That's another magic for ya. One minute you're in and the next you're out.

So when they start growing up and actually hits puberty they no longer have a spiritual education to guide their morale. But instead they were only thought about basic Islamic stuff when they were child and left hanging without a guidance once they become teenager. While teenage years are actually the most vulnerable period of your life. A good child doesn't always stay good neither is a naughty child would remain naughty until their adulthood. But a problematic teenager might turn into a troubled adult if they are not guided properly.

Moreover, do your really think that children would remember everything they learn when they were young? Ask yourself, do you remember everything you learn in primary school? Can you answer me if I ask you, "What is an anthropoid?" I guess not. Or even if you do, most of us don't. If you don't believe me you should start watching "Are you smarter than a fifth grader?".

In the end, we would be growing a generation of confused teenagers who are not sure of their identity. Their role in this world as khalifah of Allah are not known let alone performing it. Sure, they could probably learn some Islamic stuff when they gain the concern to learn more about it. But only when they are mature enough to figure that. What if they don't? Whats worse is what if they die before they got the chance to learn all that.

Then, when you die what would you answer in front of Allah when He asks if you have educate your children about Islam?